#jubilee

(Message begins about 40:00 in).

I miss this kind of teaching. More than that, I miss having this perspective of God.

This past year has felt hard and icky. Loss after loss, disappointment, marriages combusting, people losing their shit, organizations unable to get their shit together, secrets and lies, and too many unknowns and existential/mid-life crisis kind of moments to count.

Honestly, it got to me. Wore me out. Wore me down. My back is one gigantic knot. My gut, too. I started to doubt God’s goodness. I started to doubt His presence. I started to wonder if there was even a point or a purpose for any and all of it. Frankly, I'm still doubting.

#2016sucks.

But 2017? It could look, feel, be different, right? It could be a year of jubilee ... a year defined by what Tyson describes above as a discipline of celebration.

It could be a year defined by more recognition and participation of the GOOD in life. The fun. The redemptive. The bright. More banquets, feasts and celebrations.

I need that to keep doing this (i.e. LIFE). Maybe you do too?

Let's party.

“Ultimately, our gift to the world around us is hope. Not blind hope that pretends everything is fine and refuses to acknowledge how things are, but the kind of hope that comes from staring pain and suffering right in the eyes and refusing to believe that this is all there is. And that’s what we all need — hope that comes not from going around suffering, but going through it. I’m learning that the church has nothing to say to the world until it throws better parties. By this I don’t necessarily mean balloons, confetti and clowns … but I mean, backyards and basements and porches. It is in the flow of real life, in the places we live and move, with the people that we’re on the journey with, that we are reminded that it is God’s world and we are going to be okay. ”

— Jon Tyson

#30days ... the list goes on

I am grateful for ...

How deliciously warm it is under the covers on a cold morning. 

My parents.  So many reasons.

Wand curling irons - so we straight-haired girls can change it up occasionally.

The struggle to get clients - I'm learning so much about myself, God, the profession and how to help people as a result of the less than ideal circumstances. 

The ability to Google - I am thankful for the ease of access to all the informations whenever, wherever.

The fact that growing up doesn't mean we're done growing. For learning new things each day and changing as a result, I am thankful. 

Pinterest - it made kitchen updating fun and helps make Christmas shopping a little less stress-inducing. 

Random dachshund sightings - so friggin' cute and joy-bringing!

My home - the person that shares it with me, the fact that we've made it our own, the cozy parts and the less than ideal pieces - it's ours and it's home and I'm so thankful for the blessings of shelter and security (and a low mortgage!).

#30days ... singalongs, beautiful weather

I'm grateful for ...

Last night's primer painting hour - I loved working hard with my best friend, listening to 90's pop on Pandora and making progress on our #kitchenupdate

Friday blue skies and breeze - it's days like today that make me thankful to be a Florida girl.

#30days ... traditions, tub, granite, greggo, validation

I'm grateful for ...

Potters (certain stuffed Christmas penguins) being thrown at my head. I'm thankful for the Mr.'s understanding that a little tradition can go a long way toward good on a "bad day."

A Sunday breakfast date with Tub and Reece. Grateful for the munchkin snuggle that came prior, too.

Affordable granite countertops! Pictures to come, but I am thankful for the refreshed, luxury look our "discount" granite gives our #kitchenupdate.

Greggo's unexpected (and welcomed) text invite to join him for dinner. I sincerely wish I could have made it happen!

Unsolicited permission from my mom to take care of myself. After eight clients in a 12-hour day, the suggestion of a warm shower, a little TV and a glass of wine felt wonderfully validating.

#30days ... my office, apple, freelance

I am grateful for ...

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My office — The room itself is in a great facility and both Seasons and my own office have an aesthetic that's serene and pretty and professional. I am proud to welcome new clients into the space and I know my current clients are really comfortable there. For a place that feels like me and provides an environment that's conducive to healing, I am thankful on a daily basis.

Apple — I've been a "mac girl" since 2004, beginning the day I became a design/production intern. A decade later, the closest I've come to operating a non-apple tech/media device (on a regular basis) was the few tragic months I owned an Android phone in 2012. For saving me from hours of "blue screens", hard drive fails and virus headaches, I am grateful for Apple.

My freelance opportunities — For being able to occasionally make needed money doing things that come easy and/or natural to me, I am blessed.

The Mr.'s freelance opportunities — For the places and people that value his expertise and pay him for it, I am thankful.

#30days ... my clients

I'm grateful for ...

My regulars - I'm honored by their trust, inspired by their stick-to-it-vness, and changed by their continued transformation. I am thankful to get to be a part of their process, to hear their story and to watch them write new chapters!

#30days ... nephews, firepits

I'm grateful for ...

The best gifts my brothers ever gave me — my nephews are just a delight to know and watch grow. I may be partial, but I'm pretty sure my four nephews are the cutest kids on the planet.

Yesterday, as I was walking a fussy Caleb away from the crowd at Wyatt's baseball game, Miles started calling my name. Once he had my attention, he ran to catch up and hang out. We pulled weeds out of the sidewalk cracks. It was awesome. They're awesome. My hope and prayer is to be a helpful and fun place for all the little guys to run to throughout their life ... in the meantime (and always), I'm just thankful to be their aunt!

Firepits — Peaceful and communal, a little ring of fire is a great way to end a day. The Mr. and I light ours up an average of a couple times a week, and we're always game for joining others around theirs. I'm thankful for the heat and how it draws people together.

#30days ... my car

I'm grateful for ...

The Highlander Hybrid — She's my first SUV, first hybrid, first height on the road. I kinda love her. She's a little classy and a little rugged. Wood grain and cargo mats. Kinda like me.

I like how she drives and how my butt fits in the driver's seat. The hybrid gets us decent mpg and the V6 makes me forget that reality. We've put the tow hitch and roof racks to regular use, hauling bikes and boats, here and there. I'm thankful for the vehicle that gets me from A to B and I'm thrilled that She makes it an enjoyable journey.

#30days ... flexibility

I'm grateful for ...

The flexibility of my work schedule — As my own business, I have the ability to make my schedule AND to alter it when necessary ... like when I get sick and need to lie silent for hours in a dark room lit only by a marathon of home improvement shows. Today, coughing up a lung and needing to lay around, I'm thankful I can control when and how I work.

#30days ... morning radio

I'm grateful for ...

The Monsters in the Morning — I miss "Drunky" and Daniel, but as this morning proved, the remaining talent can still make me cry-laugh as I'm driving to work. For easy laughter and strangers who feel like familiar friends, I'm thankful.

#30days ... my Mr.

I am grateful for ...

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His sacrifices — he's working three jobs to keep us financially floating and comfortable. All three jobs are thankless and often lonely. They wear him out - physically and emotionally. But he rarely complains. And he's still a present husband. He's more tuned into my needs and giving me what I need (and sometimes what I don't even know I need) than I could have ever hoped for or expected. His love is daily testament to selflessness.

His boyishness — he's got a youthful giddiness about him when he's excited about things. He throws himself unrestrained into projects and ideas. He's a baby/kid whisperer. Maybe it's because he's got a wonderful innocence and curiosity about him that's too rare. Either way, he's a regular delight and just being with him is teaching me how to play.

His willingness — he tries, he learns, he asks, he answers. He's up for whatever. Whether it's seat dancing to Taylor Swift, camping down the road, remodeling the kitchen, or sailing the inter-coastal, he is accessible. Invested. Game on. He doesn't deny his fear and his anxiety, but he steps over what threatens to hold him back from life on a regular basis. It's inspiring. And his openness forces mine.

His skin — it's warm and soft and smells perfectly comforting. Cuddled on the couch, snuggling in bed or simply holding hands as we walk into the store, touching him feels like safety and security. It's just the best.

He's the best. And I am blown away blessed that he picked me.

#30days ... Paul, Kelsi, Hot Showers

Contentment is really hard. Right now, I want more clients. I want community. I want a hot tub. I want thinner thighs. I want black heeled booties. A massage. And a pedicure. The list goes on ... and the chance of getting all I want — of any of us getting all we want — is nil, so I'm feeling like maybe it's time to shift my focus a bit to ...

Gratitude. It's time to concentrate on WHAT I HAVE. And since I'm three days into the month, without further ado, Days 1, 2, and 3 of my 30 Days of Gratitude:

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I'm grateful for ...

Paul (of Bible fame). He's a reminder that I can learn to LOVE people I don't necessarily LIKE. He's also a reminder that God uses everyone to teach us about Himself and life with Him. Paul's loud and boastful and self-centric. In real life, I'd probably steer clear of the guy, but when I'm cruising the Bible and talking God's truth with clients, Paul is my go to. He was HUMAN and working toward holy and letting himself be messy along the way. I love that. I'm grateful that God chose to feature him and for what his inclusion in the Bible tells us about our Heavenly Father.

Kelsi (of Bardwell fame). She spent years putting up with my grumpiness and worked hard for my admiration ... and she didn't owe me an ounce of that mercy. Today, she's one of the few who let me know when I'm missed, valued or wanted. I'm always grateful she's family, but today, I'm really thankful she's my friend.

Hot showers. For sick days (like today), depressed days and sticky days, a cascade of warm water can work miracles.