Three clients to go today and all I want to do is go home and read something earthy, simple and beautiful. Willa Cather, maybe.
“ “And that is happiness; to be dissolved into something complete and great. ...””
Viewing entries tagged
quotes
This was first published on my old blog back in 2011:
"All who worship images are put to shame, those who boast in idols — worship him, all you gods!"
Sometimes our house feels like an empty, dark shell on Sunday mornings. The husband's been at work since before the butt crack of dawn and the blinds are closed and there's a still chill in the air from the night's air conditioning …. so, waking alone and cold and to scare the spook away, I break the film with His Word — reading aloud — before shuffling through the house to let the light in and pour the coffee.
This morning, I flipped my bible open to Psalm 95 … read through Psalm 97 … and found my eyes returning to the verse I quoted above. Images. The physical form of an idol. The noun. How does the physical representation of a misplaced trust, hope and love translate to today?
I don't know. But I found myself thinking about how my faith has morphed from legalism to love over the years and then how sometimes my delight in how God is in all things beautiful and true leaves me enchanted with that beauty and that truth … but, ironically, distracted from He who embodies it … enables it … creates it … has intent for it (far beyond any scope or hope I could imagine).
The point: Sometimes I make idols of His blessings. I hold my hand out, watch the glitter fall into it, take a picture, write about it … and forget to look up and behold what I can't.
Just thinking. Love.
“A proper understanding of the soul also holds the promise of revitalizing Christian spirituality. Another consequence of the acceptance of the artifical distinction between the psychological and spiritual aspects of persons has been a practice of Christian spirituality that emphasized knowing God but failed to emphasize knowing self. Tragically, this has often lead to a spirituality that is neither grounded nor vitally integrated within the fabric of total personhood. Not only does such a spirituality fail to transform us in the depths of our being, it also leads to all the dangers associated with a lack of integrity. A spirituality that fails to involve the totality of our being is inevitably a spirituality that furthers our fragmentation.”
I have NEVER wanted to do public speaking.
Actually, that's not true, I HAVE wanted to it. I've wanted talking to a group to come easily and naturally, fluid even. To exude confidence in self and topic? I have wished for it. Like most introverts, I've had my moments of wishing I were an extrovert, jealous of those who can command an audience, certain that life would be easier if I, too, could always know the exact thing to say in the best way at the perfect time. Oh, to not be too terribly introspective and awkward ....
But, alas, my lot in life is that of an introvert and my greatest fear (after spiders) remains putting myself out there and doing any and all versions of public speaking. I don't want to do it. I don't dream of succeeding at it. I've accepted my limitations. And I don't want to do it. Ever.
I want to do other things. Travel. Write. Concept. Play. Earn. Love.
I'm just not sure I get to do any of the other stuff if I don't grow some balls and step out of my box and quit the comfort zone. I have to kick the downsides of my introversion to the curb. I have to stop my clamoring for low-profile. I have to quit being timid in my uncertainty. I can't continue or succeed with a sense of low self-worth and diminished self-confidence.
“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”
So, Monday evening, I'm going to go speak to a group. I'm going to speak about myself and my profession and my thoughts on being about the business of change. And I don't want to do it. I've been a basketcase in prep for the past several days. I'm terrified. The shame tape is playing, repeating just how certain I am that what I have to offer isn't good enough, clear enough, etc. That terrifies me. But, I'm going to do it. Succeed or fail, I'm going to do it ...
Because I want to do other things.
Wish me luck? :)
LOVE.