While the reality of being a new mom is a couple years away for me (or never!), it's the new normal for a lot of my girlfriends. I marvel at and cherish the wisdom they embody as they've grown into their new role of being a momma.
One of those wise friends recently jotted down some of her thoughts and she's sharing them here!
Thoughts From a New Mom
I've been able to think a lot these last few months. With a new life to take care of, your perspective changes on a lot of fronts. Things that were once not important still aren't, while other things are seemingly more important than you ever thought should be.
Even before I became a mother, I had this perspective on raising kids. I will be the best mother I absolutely, positively can be to them. But my children will not become more important than my relationship with God or my husband. I've seen and heard the same story time and time again — husband and wife have a family, wife devotes her whole life to raising kids, they become her world, kids grow up and leave them with an empty house and now they're back living with someone they've each forgotten to know over the last 18+ years.
There's a danger in letting your relationship with God slip away. Quiet time seems hard to come by. Sleep is hard to come by. Your job (both being a mother or being employed) takes more time and energy away. But there's time. There's time for church. There's time to read your Bible for 5 minutes if that's all you have for the day. There's time to say a quick prayer. There's time for you not to forget Whose you are. Recently, I read this devotional thought and it seemed to drive home the point:
“My identity is not found in being a mother, but in being a daughter of the King – and that relationship will never change. God never needs to pull away from me to become independent, rather He prefers that I become more dependent.”
I need to take matters into my own hands and demand time with God. Just like my son needs me to survive, God wants me and I need Him. I need to be more dependent on Him. I need to know that God will remember what I look like when I get into Heaven. I need to know that He won't say, "I know you, but I haven't heard from you in a while."
There's also a danger in letting your husband slip away. Nights at home are now filled with screaming kids, baths, bedtime stories and cleanup. It's easy to call it a night once your kids are in bed and succumb to the comfort of your bed for an extra hour of sleep. But you need your husband and he needs you. You need to talk and converse like adults. Have sex. The connection that once brought children should not be forgotten. You need to go out on dates. Woo each other again just like when you first met.
My parents have always been a good example of this type of relationship. Every Saturday night we had a babysitter and they would go out either by themselves or with other couples. They took vacations together without the kids. I remember thinking to myself, "They never take us out on dates. Why can't they spend that time with us?" Now, I get it. It wasn't about us kids. It was about them. Now, 40 years later, they're as happy as ever. Maybe even happier.
My last thought is this ... just because you have kids and a family doesn't mean that all of your dreams and aspirations are thrown by the wayside. They don't have to be forgotten about while you raise your family. It all should happen simultaneously. Glennon, from Momastery, says,
“But I do not believe in sacrificing all my dreams for my kids. If every generation does that, than who ever actually gets to follow her dreams? Nobody, except for the one who decodes the system and decides that to stay childless is the only way to stay true to herself. No, Craig and I follow our dreams and then we provide everything our kids need to adjust, and they do. I hope from this they learn that parenthood does not mean martyrdom, necessarily.”
Following your dreams and making them happen is scary and rewarding. Your kids may not understand it now, but when they're older they will. They'll know that their parents loved them wholeheartedly. They'll also know that their Mom (and Dad) kicked butt at living life and didn't let a couple of kids stand in her way.
So there you have it. Thoughts from a new mom. (I'm just impressed I was able to coherently write a paragraph!)
I admit that one of my fears about being a mom stems from that oft-used phrase: "a baby changes everything." After all, there are things I don't want to change! I don't want to lose what I have with the Mr. — our talks and time and closeness. I don't want to lose the focus I have on God. I don't want to lose ME in the process of being a mom. Can you relate? Had success or failures? Tips? Chime in!