Oh, what to write about?
I think I kind of have to just talk about what’s happening in life to start, because there’s just so much going on … but if I step back and look at it all on paper, it’s practically nothing at all. Yet, it seems like every task, plan or thought carries a weight with it that’s exponentially bigger. So much of life these days requires so much more than you’d expect - not just materially, but emotionally, mentally, etc. I think that’s probably just the reality of parenthood maybe? But here’s a truth: You won’t understand what I mean by that UNLESS you are a parent.
And it’s so funny to hear myself say things like that - especially since I’d toss a mental eye roll your way if you’d said similar to me years back. (The ignorance and arrogance of the inexperienced and young … you’re only ever aware of it once you’ve aged/experienced past it).
But, there IS so much about parenthood I couldn’t have known or understood until I experienced it. Like how consuming the love for your children is. How anxiety-producing. How utterly terrifying. How also life-giving and purpose-making it is. I didn’t anticipate how it’d cause me to deconstruct much of what I knew and believed about my faith, how the world works, and what really matters.
I couldn’t know that days can simultaneously be monotonous and slow AND precious gifts moving way too fast. I didn’t know I’d look forward to the kids’ bedtimes and miss them the second I closed their doors. I didn’t know I could desperately wish for a long break and know, at the same time, that I wouldn’t want to be away from the kids for any real period of time. I always thought I was a dichotomy, but now I truly live one.
The oldest starts school next week. I’m still homeschool inclined, but I think the 3-day cooperative preschool is the right move for her (and us) right now. Still, I’ve got a lot of feels about it … and I’m anticipating more as we do “meet the teacher” and actually do drop-off and the first week. Fingers crossed and praying hands that she LOVES it and it’s a healthy environment for her!
Beyond that, the youngest is settling into herself now that she’s eating, sleeping and playing with a settled digestive system. I keep calling her “Smiles” because they were so infrequent there for awhile and now pepper our every interaction. She’s beautiful.
Okay, that’s all for now - LOVE.